Granny Hat’s Museum of Wonders

2019 is still in its infancy and Granny Hat has already broken the resolution rules.  She vowed to begin her feng shui throughout the year a-la-Marie Kondo just like everyone else on Facebook (Have you heard that thrift stores across America are in flood state? Some are refusing to accept any more donations!). But instead of beginning by purging clothing, then books, saving the sentimental journey for last as advised, Granny opted for a walk down memory lane first….. and all because of Groundhog’s Day.

See, Granny’s family, especially Dad the farmer, just loves Groundhog’s Day.  So every February Granny makes a chocolate cake in a round mound with a little stuffed marmot sticking out of the hole, complete with snowy coconut with a tinge of green for spring. There once was a papa marmot that Granny’s daughter hoped to find for this year’s centerpiece (Groundhog’s Day is a legit holiday around here) so Granny agreed to open THE CLOSET, the one packed tight with boxes and bins of childhood treasures, the one no one wants to tackle. She never found papa marmot but she couldn’t believe how many cubic feet of treasure came out of that closet.  She called for Dad to come take some pictures.  He made a comment about how there was enough memorabilia in there to launch a new museum. That got Granny Hat thinking.

 

You see, Granny and Dad just returned from one of their annual epic road trips.  It kills Dad to drive by any “hysterical” landmark.  He avoids the interstate if possible and stops for small county museums,  visitor centers, scenic turnouts and country flea markets. But mostly they stop for museums…..and old cemeteries.  Both are ripe with local history and stories. Granny knows everyone loves a good story so as she meandered through Dixie she collected a few. (Hendon Family Cemetery Kentucky)

 

She strolled through the Stephen Foster Folk Culture Center State Park along the Suwanee River in White Springs, Florida looking at a fabulous collection of pianos that really could only boast remote connections to the famous American balladeer. Check out the strange piano keys, Steinway only made a few of these, with a Von Janko keyboard.

 

Granny was surprised to learn that Foster never set eyes on the Swanee River, as he renamed it and never even visited Florida.  His original song Old Folks At Home was penned in his hometown, Lawrenceville, PA (now a Pittsburgh neighborhood) and sang “way down upon the Pedi River”.  The name “Pedi” didn’t ring quite right so Foster’s buddy suggested the Suwanee as a substitute.  The rest is history and Foster’s story attracts thousands of visitors to the beautiful culture center that literally sits on the banks of the river we have been singing about all these years. His original manuscripts, sheet music with I Dream of Jeannie With the Light Brown Hair, Oh Susanna and Camptown Races are all on display including art work inspired by his folk music.  Granny highly recommends a visit to White Springs, Florida.

 

A couple days earlier, Granny Hat dragged Dad down to Honky Tonk Row on South Broadway in Nashville.  They listened to the blue grass bands and happened upon the Johnny Cash Museum a small but delightful tribute to the great musician.  There were rooms filled with his life story, photos with admiring Presidents, collaborations with other famous musicians, love notes from June Carter Cash, a vinyl collection to die for, guitars, autoharps, military memorabilia and show costumes.  No stone of Cash’s life was left unturned, the good, the bad and the ugly.  That’s why we all love him; he was human, made huge mistakes, turned his life around and just kept singing through it all.  The museum’s collection makes his story come alive and adds new depth to his songs.

 

Then Granny remembered a visit to another museum a year ago, a lovely day spent at Ivy Cottage in Tuscumbia, Alabama, the birth place and home of Helen Keller.  Granny loved walking through that house seeing all of Helen’s toys and clothes, her braille Scrabble Game, the famous key to the dining room, remembering again the inspiring story of Helen and her teacher Annie Sullivan, so much heartache, sacrifice, love and endurance.  That old water pump made Granny cry.  Museums are for remembering.  It is a good thing someone had the foresight to save all the treasures of Helen’s life so we can remember everything that she accomplished.

 

Suddenly the light dawned upon this wanna-be ultralight Granny Hat! There IS a way around feng shui!  You get to keep your stuff IF AND ONLY IF you or someone close to you becomes famous.  Because then a foundation or something will open a museum with ample display cases for all the interesting hoarded stuff. Then and only then will your report cards, your prom tickets and even your tooth brush be worth saving for display. But here’s the dilemma; how is Granny Hat supposed to know if one of her kids or grand kids is going to be famous someday?  What if, in a fit of feng shui energy, she accidentally donates stuff that would look really good on a museum wall or in a sealed glass case?

 

What if hundreds of thousands of people wanted to touch this O.J. Simpson Pog from the 90’s the way we all touched the moon rock at Kennedy Space Center the other day.?  Do we really want houses that only contain serviceable items? Or do we need a few conversation pieces sitting around, things that tell a story or evoke a funny memory?  If an inanimate object can make you cry or make you laugh until the tears roll down your cheeks, it becomes priceless.

Take these Nicklelodeon Moon Shoes for instance! Listed in Bustle’s 11 Stupidly Dangerous Toys of the 90’s Our Parents Probably Shouldn’t Have Let Us Have, these personal trampolines “designed to be strapped onto the feet of uncoordinated kids” gave our daughters no end of hilarious fun and yes, they got hurt a few times. Supposedly E Bay is swimming in these shoes inspired by NASA moon walks.  When this pair fell off the top shelf of the closet (they were behind the roller blades) Granny Hat had a hearty laugh and said a “thank you” to all guardian angels.  But now she isn’t sure she wants to cavalierly chuck them.

Then these delightful fluffy dog marionettes popped out of a box!  Granny Hat barely remembers them and had to text the kids real quick to find out who they belonged to.  Imagine her surprise when Stephan, Mr. Ultralight Mission himself, admitted to being the proud owner.  Granny joined in the sibling teasing until she realized that the pooches had been ordered and delivered to HER and were a birthday gift for Stephan so many years ago that they had been forgotten.  They never brought Granny much joy until today; they inspired such a hilarious back and forth on the text thread that now she is tempted to keep them forever.

Granny would like to bet that no other family on earth has a pair of homemade Sinbad the Sailor shoes like these.  They were fashioned from a cut up pair of old espadrilles for a character costume in a church musical called Cool In the Furnace. Guess we were so very proud of the way they turned out we couldn’t part with them. They are currently in the trash, sure hope when the museum opens there won’t be any regrets.

Please don’t worry, Granny Hat is still going ultralight whether any of her loved ones get famous or not.  Besides, they are already famous in her book.  She just has decided to slow down, take lots of pictures, laugh and cry over the possessions that just tumbled out of the closet.  Granny’s house is already a museum, she just needs a cultural foundation and some grant money to keep it open.  And instead of hiring Marie Kondo or inviting Mike and Frank from American Pickers over to haggle, she needs a historical curator to advise her on which things to save…..just in case!

Happy Groundhog’s Day!  May every day be a memory making day!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Granny Hat didn’t mention this museum above because she doesn’t know how to begin to describe it.  It is in eastern Alabama, only visit if you happen to be in the area.

#my middle name is MARIE